Bill-Oh pays "tribute" to George Carlin

This is unbelievable. Even for Bill-O.

'COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN' NOTABLE QUOTES FOR JANUARY 21-25

NEW YORK – January 30, 2008 – Following are quotes from "Countdown with Keith Olbermann" for the week of Jan. 21-25. "Countdown," a unique newscast that counts down the day's top stories, telecasts weeknights, 8-9 p.m. ET on MSNBC. Complete program transcripts are available at www.tv.msnbc.com.

[Referring to Attorney General Michael Mukasey's portrait of George Orwell that is in his office]
Olbermann: "He [Mukasey] says the portrait hangs there because he likes the clarity of Orwell's writing. Mr. Mukasey adds he adores Pamela Anderson's penmanship."

[Referring to a theme park in Lithuania called 1984]
Olbermann: "I thought that was in Washington, D.C."

Olbermann: "WMDs that didn't exist, Mike Huckabee says they were hidden like Easter eggs."

[Referring to Jan. 21, which is considered to be the most depressing day of the year]
Olbermann: "Ask Keifer Sutherland. His jail term wouldn't interfere with the production of his TV show. Now he's out of the joint, but his show and all the others are out on strike."

Olbermann: "Economic stimulus package? I got your economic stimulus package right here – Britney Spears contributes $120 million to our economy."

[Referring to reports that Jamie Lynn Spears will give her baby to her mother]
Olbermann: "Lynne Spears is all for it, reportedly, believing that her daughter should be allowed to grow up like a normal teenager and pursue her career, a policy that's worked great so far."

'COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN' NOTABLE QUOTES FOR JANUARY 2-4, 7-11

NEW YORK – January 15, 2008 – Following are quotes from "Countdown with Keith Olbermann" for the weeks of Jan. 2-4 and Jan. 7-11. "Countdown," a unique newscast that counts down the day's top stories, telecasts weeknights, 8-9 p.m. ET on MSNBC. Complete program transcripts are available at www.tv.msnbc.com.

[Referring to the fact that Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee admitted he had no clue about the NIE, but knows about Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy]
Olbermann: "Lord help us if we start electing or not electing presidents based on their Britney Spears I.Q."

[Referring to Britney Spears losing all visitation rights to ex-husband Kevin Federline]
Tom O'Neill, In Touch Weekly: "I'd like to say they are safe with K-Fed, but they're with K-Fed."

[Referring to a new book that claims Tom Cruise is the number two ranking official in the Church of Scientology and that his daughter, Suri, might have been fathered with the frozen sperm of the late L. Ron Hubbard]
Olbermann: "I thought it was Heather Graham starring in the remake of "Rosemary's Baby," not Katie Holmes [Cruise's wife]."

[Referring to Fox News' Sean Hannity being chased by an angry mob of Ron Paul supporters in New Hampshire}
Olbermann: "The villagers have gotten their pitchforks and their torches and stormed the mad scientist's castle that is Fox News Channel."

"On his [syndicated radio host Bill Cunningham] Sunday broadcast, he repeatedly identified a Democratic presidential candidate as, 'Barack Mohammed Hussein Obama' even though that is not his name. That is as offensive and dishonest as calling that host 'Bill Intelligent Cunningham.'"

[Referring to the fact that Bill O'Reilly is trying to link NBC and GE to Osama Bin Laden]
Olbermann: "That's right, Bill, and John Wilkes Booth worked for us, too."

Olbermann: "Rudy Giuliani has said you need to read, write, and speak English to become an American citizen. He started running a new campaign commercial on three Miami TV stations. The commercial is in – yes, Spanish."

Bill O'Reilly's "important" news

Here's what Bill O'Reilly said is important news to viewers of the "Factor," courtesy of Keith Olbermann. You watch and you decide.

"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" NOTABLE QUOTES FOR DECEMBER 10-14, 2007

"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" NOTABLE QUOTES FOR DECEMBER 10-14, 2007

NEW YORK – December 19, 2007 – Following are quotes from "Countdown with Keith Olbermann" for the week of December 10-14. "Countdown," a unique newscast that counts down the day's top stories, telecasts weeknights, 8-9 p.m. ET on MSNBC. Complete program transcripts are available at www.tv.msnbc.com.

Olbermann, on thousands turning out for a Barack Obama rally where Oprah Winfrey was appearing: "What happens when they find out that Oprah is not the one running for president?"

Olbermann: "Dr. Torkel Klingberg, leading a Swedish team that has discovered what appears to be a filter in a brain that blocks out irrelevant information. The irrelevance filter that might explain why some people can focus better or remember better or have an attention deficit disorder or – what was I saying?"

Olbermann: "An unnamed firefighter in England helped free two men trapped in an elevator. They kept going from floor to floor but the doors wouldn't open. The men were Elvis impersonators so, thus said our comic fireman, 'There were two of them so they weren't exactly lonesome tonight.'"

[Referring to Michael Schumacher, retired Formula One auto racing champion, and his family running late for a flight in Bavaria.]
Olbermann: "When [the] cab picked the Schumachers up… Schumacher introduced himself, told the cabbie to sit in the passenger seat, and Schumacher drove to the airport himself. The family made the flight, but out of habit, Schumacher got out of the cab, sprayed everybody with champagne, and wore a series of 42 different baseball caps with different advertisers' names on it while giving interviews to astonished passers-by."

Olbermann on the New York Knicks' woes: "[Knicks Coach Isiah] Thomas [said] it's the fans' fault because they 'don't have a good sixth man' – the basketball term for the positive influence fans can have. Firstly, among their players, the Knicks don't even have a good third man."

[Referring to Sen. Kit Bond (R-Mo.) saying that waterboarding is 'like swimming, freestyle, backstroke.]
Olbermann: "Waterboarding is to the backstroke, as Kit Bond is to an actual leader."

Michael Musto, Village Voice: "Britney [Spears] is the new Liz Taylor, minus the two Oscars and the charity work."

Olbermann: "Us Weekly is reporting that Ms. [Britney] Spears has been tapped to play Mary in a modern film version of the nativity. Mother of God, indeed!"

[Referring to Katie Holmes telling InStyle magazine that husband Tom Cruise compliments her by saying, 'you look good. I hope security is going with you.']
Paul F. Tompkins, VH-1's "Best Week Ever": "Compliments like this are so awkward… not helping to squash the gay rumor about Tom Cruise."
Olbermann: "She also says they fell in love in an instant. Does Mr. Cruise impress you as the impulsive type?"
Tompkins: "Well, Keith, it's easy to be cynical. But, it only takes an instant to sign a secret marriage contract."

[Referring to Russian winter enthusiasts who do ballet in cold temperatures]
Olbermann: "Nothing says happy holidays like a bunch of fat 50-something-year-old Russians wearing tutus and shaking their stuff. That's why they call it 'Nutcracker.''

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Quotables from "Countdown With Keith Olbermann" Nov. 26-30, 2007

NEW YORK – December 5, 2007 – Following are quotes from "Countdown with Keith Olbermann" for the week of November 26-30. "Countdown With Keith Olbermann." Complete program transcripts are available at www.tv.msnbc.com.


[Referring to the dog that bit a player during the Auburn vs. Alabama football game] Olbermann: "The dog was escorted from the sidelines and caught the first flight to Atlanta for the Michael Vick sentencing."

Olbermann: "The value of celebrity endorsements [in Presidential elections] is in doubt, however, according to a recent Pew Poll that shows newspapers carry more weight than celebrities, that and endorsements from, say, Bill O'Reilly would give the recipient a 10 percent net loss of support."

[Referring to reports that Britney Spears is pregnant]
Joel McHale, E!'s "The Soup": "She [Britney Spears] said her life would be turned around by having a baby. You are right. It would be an entire 360."
Olbermann: "And the skid marks would be seen up and down the boulevard."

Olbermann: "Gail Knight, a 26-year-old student in London, England, seeing a need and coming up with an idea. Just going into service there; if you text the word 'toilet' from your cell phone to SatLab service, it will send you back a text message telling you where the nearest public toilet is. Anybody tell Senator Larry Craig?"

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O'Reilly's advice for the young (and lovelorn)

Ah, the multifaceted O'Reilly. Now he's an advice columnist of sorts giving young people advice in a book.
Well, Tom Tomorrow took him to that, putting the advice in comic book form. You can see Keith Olbermann read it here.
Good work, Keith.