"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" NOTABLE QUOTES FOR DECEMBER 10-14, 2007

"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" NOTABLE QUOTES FOR DECEMBER 10-14, 2007

NEW YORK – December 19, 2007 – Following are quotes from "Countdown with Keith Olbermann" for the week of December 10-14. "Countdown," a unique newscast that counts down the day's top stories, telecasts weeknights, 8-9 p.m. ET on MSNBC. Complete program transcripts are available at www.tv.msnbc.com.

Olbermann, on thousands turning out for a Barack Obama rally where Oprah Winfrey was appearing: "What happens when they find out that Oprah is not the one running for president?"

Olbermann: "Dr. Torkel Klingberg, leading a Swedish team that has discovered what appears to be a filter in a brain that blocks out irrelevant information. The irrelevance filter that might explain why some people can focus better or remember better or have an attention deficit disorder or – what was I saying?"

Olbermann: "An unnamed firefighter in England helped free two men trapped in an elevator. They kept going from floor to floor but the doors wouldn't open. The men were Elvis impersonators so, thus said our comic fireman, 'There were two of them so they weren't exactly lonesome tonight.'"

[Referring to Michael Schumacher, retired Formula One auto racing champion, and his family running late for a flight in Bavaria.]
Olbermann: "When [the] cab picked the Schumachers up… Schumacher introduced himself, told the cabbie to sit in the passenger seat, and Schumacher drove to the airport himself. The family made the flight, but out of habit, Schumacher got out of the cab, sprayed everybody with champagne, and wore a series of 42 different baseball caps with different advertisers' names on it while giving interviews to astonished passers-by."

Olbermann on the New York Knicks' woes: "[Knicks Coach Isiah] Thomas [said] it's the fans' fault because they 'don't have a good sixth man' – the basketball term for the positive influence fans can have. Firstly, among their players, the Knicks don't even have a good third man."

[Referring to Sen. Kit Bond (R-Mo.) saying that waterboarding is 'like swimming, freestyle, backstroke.]
Olbermann: "Waterboarding is to the backstroke, as Kit Bond is to an actual leader."

Michael Musto, Village Voice: "Britney [Spears] is the new Liz Taylor, minus the two Oscars and the charity work."

Olbermann: "Us Weekly is reporting that Ms. [Britney] Spears has been tapped to play Mary in a modern film version of the nativity. Mother of God, indeed!"

[Referring to Katie Holmes telling InStyle magazine that husband Tom Cruise compliments her by saying, 'you look good. I hope security is going with you.']
Paul F. Tompkins, VH-1's "Best Week Ever": "Compliments like this are so awkward… not helping to squash the gay rumor about Tom Cruise."
Olbermann: "She also says they fell in love in an instant. Does Mr. Cruise impress you as the impulsive type?"
Tompkins: "Well, Keith, it's easy to be cynical. But, it only takes an instant to sign a secret marriage contract."

[Referring to Russian winter enthusiasts who do ballet in cold temperatures]
Olbermann: "Nothing says happy holidays like a bunch of fat 50-something-year-old Russians wearing tutus and shaking their stuff. That's why they call it 'Nutcracker.''

# # #

Wait till O'Reilly hears the White House says "Happy Holidays"

Crooks and Liars points out a marvelous thing that makes Bill O'Reilly look dumb, as if that hasn't happened before.
First, President Bush , at his press conference on Dec. 20, wished the press corps "happy holidays".

THE PRESIDENT: Good morning. I hope you all enjoyed the holiday reception at the White House as much as Laura and I enjoyed it. We took an inventory of the silverware, and this year only a few pieces were missing -- so, like, if you see Gregory, tell him to bring them back. (Laughter.) I've decided to come in and visit with you because you're heading off on the holidays, and so are we, and we wish you happy holidays.

Then, Condoleeza Rice did it, too, points out Think Progress.
Even better: The White House Christmas card doesn't say Christmas on it!
Egad. The horror!

BillO: Do as I say, not as I do

From the "Oh, really? Yes, O'Reilly" department:
Bill O'Reilly praised actress Julia Roberts for fighting stalkers from the press, as you see in this clip from Crooks and Liars (Real Player required).
But Oh! Reilly conveniently forgets his own producer, Jesse Watters, who has aggressively stalked various news figures.
Here are a couple of examples:

Here, Watters hassles a judge over a decision criticized by O'Reilly.


Here, Watters actually aggressively questions a school board member in her garage over comments that are clearly taken out of context.


And the best example: Let's not forget how Watters confronted Rosie O'Donnell at a book signing

"No spin" Bill spins these the way he knows will ring true with his audience. The truth is secondary.

No spin. Yeah.

Mad Magazine's 20 dumbest people, events and things of 2007

This is the January issue cover story that just arrived at our house. (And no, I'm not the one with the subscription.)
Anyway, here's a rundown of the list. Surprisingly, Bill O'Reilly isn't mentioned. Notice how all the political ones, though, involve conservatives. Does Mad have a liberal bias? (ha ha!):
20. Sanjaya (Indian bummer)
19. The latest animal to go on the endangered species list (the family pet, due to tainted pet food. Hey, I didn't say they were all funny.)
18. The Senator in the bathroom stall (Craig's lust)
17. Alberto Gonzales (the nation's chief flawed officer)
16. Lindsay Lohan (human crash test dummy)
15. "If I Did It" by O.J. Simpson (Murder, he wrote)
14. The creation museums (You can't Darwin them all.)
13. The Sopranos finale (Bada Bing! Bada Boo!)
12. Scooter Libby (A man for all treasons)
11. Wild horses' ass (Keith Richards sniffs his father's ashes)
10. Isiah Washington bashes homosexuals (Gay's animosity.)
9. The Giant Toy Recall (a China pattern)
8. The crazy diapered astronaut (Houston, we have a mental problem)
7. Paris Hilton (the ultimate dumb blonde joke)
6. The Anna Nicole Smith paternity trial (Who's your daddy?)
5. Walter Reed Army Hospital scandal (toying with men's lives)
4. Britney Spears (strife in the fast lane)
3. Imus (Nappy headed host)
2. Bush breaks presidential record for time off. (Vacation daze)
1. Michael Vick's bad newz kennel (Pitbullsh*t)

A couple of good pieces of reading

It's heartening to see more columnists not standing by for Bill O'Reilly's foolishness. Here are a couple of examples.

First, there's this column by Mike Ball in the North Star Writers Group.

It begins this way:

December 10, 2007

Happy Xmas to Bill O’Reilly

Boy, did I ever screw up the other day. I said, “Happy Holidays” to a Bill O’Reilly Fan. Lucky for me, this particular BORF was kind enough to immediately point out the error of my ways.

BORF: Happy Holidays? Tell me, why do you hate Jesus so much?

You can see where this might be going.

Then there's Carol Towarnicky's "The War Over the War on Christmas," which begins like this:

REST NOW, ye merry gentlemen - Fox News commentator Bill O'Reilly says he has defeated the "forces of darkness" that supposedly were waging a "War on Christmas."

When underpaid and underinsured cashiers sell you stuff you can't afford to give to people who don't really need it, much of it made in deplorable conditions overseas, they will be sure to wish you a "Merry Christmas" instead of that sinister "Happy Holidays."

You can find the full articles at the links.

Quotables from "Countdown With Keith Olbermann" Nov. 26-30, 2007

NEW YORK – December 5, 2007 – Following are quotes from "Countdown with Keith Olbermann" for the week of November 26-30. "Countdown With Keith Olbermann." Complete program transcripts are available at www.tv.msnbc.com.


[Referring to the dog that bit a player during the Auburn vs. Alabama football game] Olbermann: "The dog was escorted from the sidelines and caught the first flight to Atlanta for the Michael Vick sentencing."

Olbermann: "The value of celebrity endorsements [in Presidential elections] is in doubt, however, according to a recent Pew Poll that shows newspapers carry more weight than celebrities, that and endorsements from, say, Bill O'Reilly would give the recipient a 10 percent net loss of support."

[Referring to reports that Britney Spears is pregnant]
Joel McHale, E!'s "The Soup": "She [Britney Spears] said her life would be turned around by having a baby. You are right. It would be an entire 360."
Olbermann: "And the skid marks would be seen up and down the boulevard."

Olbermann: "Gail Knight, a 26-year-old student in London, England, seeing a need and coming up with an idea. Just going into service there; if you text the word 'toilet' from your cell phone to SatLab service, it will send you back a text message telling you where the nearest public toilet is. Anybody tell Senator Larry Craig?"

# # #

Drowning Pool tells Bill to f*** himself

Keith Olbermann report that dispels O'Reilly's assertion only he and Toby Keith visit the troops

From http://www.93x.com/blog.asp?id=526155&SBID=4444

Texas hard rock band DROWNING POOL has issued another statement regarding the recent on-air remarks by Fox News commentator Bill O'Reilly allegedly claiming that he and is one of only two "celebrities" to support the troops via the USO.

"I have chewed on this whole Bill O'Reilly-blasting-the-USO subject for some time now trying to decide what aspect of this jackass's empty rants I wanted to shoot holes in first," an unidentified member of DROWNING POOL writes on the band's MySpace page. "What I have finally realized is that it's pointless to even start on this and point out every single sh**head aspect of this self-promoting, self-righteous poster child for birth control.


"He blasts the USO. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? The only reason this sh**head even went over was to promote his new book. If you have the time, go to YouTube and search 'Keith Olberman USO Bill O'Reilly' and hear the facts. Please do.

"I'm not even going on any more with this. The fact is O'Reilly thinks he is above the truth and you can't argue with that kind of a person. Here is a group like the USO that for years upon years have given of themselves to do good by others that put themselves in harms way in the name of OUR country and this ****head decides he can just say what he wants and stack lie upon lie and attack anyone he wishes.

"So to Billdoe and his mindless sheep of an audience, go f**k yourself. You are a true waste of air...

"To wrap this up, I would like to say one last thing. You're such a true patriot, Bill, aren't you? So supportive of our troops, aye? That must be why you ignored the ThisIsForTheSoldiers.org mission when your people were contacted on the matter.

"Wait, I'm sorry — this is about headlines NOW, isn't it?! Yeah, I forgot about the whole NEW BOOK to promote angle.

"Sad, sad man you are."

Speaking of irony, Bill ...

Bill O'Reilly thought it was ironic that a man invaded the campaign offices of Hillary Clinton, who, he says, is "inaccessible," reports Media Matters.
In an interview with Greta Van Susteren, he said,

O'REILLY: Yes, and caused all kinds of things. Because nobody knows, you know, what these people are capable of doing. Some of them are just troubled. Some of them are violent.

But it's ironic because today in The Washington Post is an article that says that people can't get near Hillary Clinton. The press can't get near her, that she's so well protected by Secret Service, her staff, and everybody else that the press can't even ask her any questions. So I thought it was a little ironic that that appears today.

Ironic that a disturbed man invaded her campaign offices? Bill, how does your mind work?

Bill O'Reilly's phony war

In this clip from 2006, O'Reilly spouts off his misconception that people are trying to keep others from saying "Merry Christmas." But it was all a scam.

This week, Bill O'Reilly claimed he "won" his manufactured war on Christmas.

"If I had not done the campaign, then the forces of darkness would have won. There's no question about that. We were able to rally the Alliance Defense Fund in Phoenix, Arizona, to fight the ACLU [American Civil Liberties Union] in court. We were able to convince the major retailers to not order their employees to not say 'Merry Christmas,' to stop that nonsense. We won that."

Problem is, Bill, there was no war. You made the whole thing up. You blustered and steamed off lies to your viewers. And you're still doing it.
Media Matters confirms that Crate and Barrel and Best Buy, two firms he cited as being the enemy in his phony war, both gave explanations other than what O'Reilly wanted to hear. They never stopped employees from saying "Merry Christmas." But like good business firms, they consider all holidays.
More clowning from O'Reilly. Happy holidays, everyone.

O'Reilly's advice for the young (and lovelorn)

Ah, the multifaceted O'Reilly. Now he's an advice columnist of sorts giving young people advice in a book.
Well, Tom Tomorrow took him to that, putting the advice in comic book form. You can see Keith Olbermann read it here.
Good work, Keith.